FUNNY SEX STORIES

 A few months ago The New Yorker ran a cartoon series about sex I can’t stop thinking about. You can see it here. I’ve never seen the strange and yet common nature of sex so hilariously and accurately described.

Sex is messy, complicated, and above everything else, one of the funniest things we participate in as humans (I think).

Yet we take it so, so seriously. So seriously, that we find it devastating when it doesn’t look like what it looks like in the movies (spoiler alert: it will never look like what it looks like in the movies).

So let’s all relax and laugh a bit at the weirdest things that have happened to us during sex. Below is a collection of a few anonymous embarrassing dating stories we’ve collected and we’d love to hear yours in the comments!

“A couple of years ago, in an act of trying to be the ‘effortlessly cool girl that all guys instantly fall in love with,’ I decided to do something that’s super unlike me to impress a dude. I went to his apartment to have a drink—having already been out drinking—and when I got there and he offered me a joint, I decided why not?? Let’s be clear. I never smoke pot. I have nothing against it, but outside of trying it once in high school and maybe smoking two more times in college, I’ve just never really bothered with it.

So in my drunken stupor, I got suuuuper stoned. So here I am, drunk and high (the picture of a model citizen) when things get going with this guy. We’re in his bedroom, lights are on and the sheets are white. We’re having great sex when all of a sudden, he thrusts at a slightly odd angle and something doesn’t feel right. We both look down and there is blood. ALL. OVER. THE. BED. We both start freaking out. It’s not my period, but there’s a lot going on. Cut to me sitting on the bed with my hips under a pillow, trying to elevate my vagina (???) while he’s trying to get the blood out of the sheets. But it’s a lot of blood, and we’re both pretty messed up. He looks up at me and his face goes totally white and he runs to the bathroom where I can hear him start to vomit. 5 minutes later, I’m right behind him with my face in the toilet and blood—now more of a trickle—running down my leg. After frantically trying to decide if we needed to go to the hospital the bleeding stopped and we eventually fell asleep.

We’re married now. Anyone that still wants to date you after a night like that, let alone marry you, is definitely a keeper.”

______________________

“My college boyfriend and I had just finished having sex — like ya do in college — when I had a devastating realization, I DON’T THINK I TOOK MY TAMPON OUT BEFORE WE STARTED?! I checked. No string. WHERE THE F*CK DID MY TAMPON GO?!

It was nowhere to be found OUTSIDE my body, so it must be INSIDE my body. Like DEEP inside. A siren was going off in my head, TOXIC SHOCK SYNDROME. TSS. TSS. TSS. YOU’RE GONNA DIE.

For the next hour I made my college boyfriend go “spelunking” for my tampon in the deep crevices of my female nether region, flashlight and all, only to come to the realization that I had indeed removed the tampon and all was right in the world.

Except for my college boyfriend. He never recovered and we broke up a few months later.”

“My ex-girlfriend is currently engaged to my manny.”

“I grew up in a small-town and the first time I went to buy condoms, I specifically drove to the Walmart two towns over so I wouldn’t bump into anyone I knew. I sifted through the isles and picked up lube and two different boxes to try out. I got into the check-out line behind a tall man wearing a kippah. He turned his head—it was my rabbi. His eyes went slowly from the condoms up to my eyes. “Happy Hanukkah!” He said with a hand outreached. My eyes went from the condoms, to his outreached hand, and up to his eyes. “Happy Hanukkah to you too, sir.” I tried to transfer the lube and the two boxes into my left hand so I could shake his hand with my right. In so maneuvering, I dropped everything splat across the floor, of course. He saved me with, “You know, I actually forgot something in the store. I’ll run back—why don’t you take my spot in line?” I thanked him, and he wished me well. Oy vey.”

“It was sophomore year of college when I was sitting in the library, recapping my sex life to my friends over text. I wrote out a long text explaining my escapades–how I met this guy and went over to his place at 3am, how we hooked up, etc. And then, I pressed send only to look down and realize I sent it to my mom instead of my friend, Monica (Mom and Monica are dangerously close together in my phone book, apparently). I immediately sent her a text, telling her not to read it, but it was too late. She already had. She obviously went straight to my dad to tell him what I was up to at college and how horrified she was. His answer: ‘She’s just young!'”

“I had been trying to meet up with a boy who I’d been flirting with since day one of college. He was taking too long though, and while waiting for him, I started dancing with Drew. Drew’s dancing was somewhat infamous. He would just stand in one place and lean back almost to the point of touching his shoulders to the ground. Dancing together meant him holding me and guiding me into a similar lean. It wasn’t so much attractive as it was an impressive physical feat…

We went back to his room (which I learned was on the same hall as the boy I had been initially looking for) and immediately started undressing. He kept giving me an uncomfortable grin that was clearly meant to be seductive. The second his clothes were off he, without pause or warning, stood up on the bed (which he informed me later was his roommates because he hadn’t wanted to make his), pointed at his dick while reapplying his grin, and began helicoptoring his dick around.

I left hastily after we fucked but realized right as I exited the building that I had left my underwear. I returned and he found them after a quick search and asked me if I was sure I wanted them. I just took them and walked out the door, immediately running into the initial boy I’d hoped to find and subsequently crawling away.”

“I decided that I wanted to kiss a girl that night. I made it casual, but it was my first time saying anything like it out loud.

Instead, I ended up at a late-night grilled cheese truck with some friends and plans of going to bed after. All it took to derail plan A and plan B was a random, somewhat skeevy guy to compliment my tie.

I found myself making out with him under a tree in front of some confused friends, and then back at his place. He had two roommates in a dorm-room that was not meant for three people, and they kept knocking on the door as we were hooking up to ask if they could return yet. When he started making moves to go down on me, the most cringeworthy and simply confusing moment I’ve ever experienced in a sexual context occured: he pulled lint from my belly button!! He locked eyes with me and dangled it back and forth for a solid, unbearable 20 seconds. I went from initially embarrassed to horrified and freaked, but apparently I couldn’t let it all be for nothing, so we exchanged no words and he proceeded to go down on me.

Out of kindness to his roommates, I left as soon as he stopped. He messaged me repeatedly for the next week, and I said nothing back until his “you’re not great at responding,” to which I replied “lol,” and that was the end.”

“On our first date he accidentally made a u-turn on a one-way street.”

“My sister and I were at Coachella for the first time.

Her friend had been before, so he took it upon himself to meet up with us frequently and show us the ropes, which I of course found extraordinarily generous. In our brief interactions scattered across two days, I learned that he was on the wrestling team (he showed us some moves), had recently received certification to be a yoga instructor, and planned to attend Hampshire College in the fall with the hopes of majoring in a self-designed degree, “Happiness.” To my high school self, he seemed ‘not like other guys’ and thus well suited for being my first.

On the last day of Coachella, that holy 4/20 Easter, my sister and I split up so I could watch the Pixies and she could bask in her new love for EDM. While trying to reunite with her, I nearly got trampled in the throng of teens who couldn’t quite figure out how to enter the tent. I was half-panicking, half-accepting that I might never find a way off the ground, when I heard him calling my name. He pulled me up, asked me if I wanted to get out of there, and bent so I could jump on his back.

He carried me out of the crowd and to another part of the festival where we started dancing, and then I kissed him. He brought me to a nearby tree where we lied down and continued making out. I had previously decided that if I were in a situation where I was going to have sex (which was far-fetched when I’d imagined it), I would play it super smooth and not tell him it was my first time because I didn’t think of it as a big thing and didn’t want him to.

So, we’re making out (it’s getting pretty heated in the middle of Coachella), and I decide now would be the natural time to ask if he had a condom— a slick way to indicate I’m tryna. He just moved away and laughed a little. “Here?” he asked in a way that both implied he knew I was serious and conveyed he thought it was a ridiculous statement. I mumbled something along the lines of “no, just a condom in general… a condom somewhere in this zip code?” He just rolled with it and invited me back to his campsite. He didn’t want to do it in his tent because his friends might come back and have nowhere to go— how thoughtful, I swooned. Instead, he took one of their sleeping bags, and I helped him zip it to his. He then placed it on the ground between two large trucks for privacy, and I had sex for the first time right then and there.

It didn’t last for too long because after a short-bit he stopped and asked if he could go down on me. He did, and I left right after to take another stab at finding my sister.”

“My senior year of college, I was sleeping with a freshman boy. He was definitely super cute, but still, I thought that I was doing him the favor. I mean, what straight, freshman boy wouldn’t want to be sleeping with a senior girl?? And then he ghosted me! Like seriously, what the hell!?! Embarrassing!”

“The second time I hooked up with the first guy I’d ever had sex with, we were in the middle of it when he asked “do you want to try it from behind?” I immediately laughed, said “ew, no,” and brushed it off. The next morning it suddenly dawned on me that no, he was not casually asking to do anal. I was embarrassed but mostly just felt bad for calling him gross. We never talked about it until I finally brought it up about four months later, when he (kindly) laughed at me a lot. We’re dating now.”

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My night with a sexy Mum

 “Thank you, have a great day!” Kyle said to the lady now holding a small parcel he had just delivered.

Kyle clicked complete on his phone app to mark the job done. As he closed the app he saw the small ghost icon on the notification bar. His heart skipped a beat, hoping it was the message he had been hoping for all day. He dragged the bar down and saw the name “Jess”. He smiled and clicked on the notification.

“Scott is starting work at 4. Leaving at 3:45. What’s your ETA?”

Kyle quickly replied: “3:50. Can’t wait to see you.”

He got back in his van, set his next address in the navigation app and set off. He was barely out of the street when the reply from Jess came: “Me too”. He smiled again.

He had an extra spring as he completed the last few deliveries, his smile a little wider. The crisp autumn breeze didn’t cut through him quite as badly anymore as he thought about the afternoon ahead.

It was only 3 o’clock when he finished. He was only a twenty-minute drive away from Jess’ house. He parked at a supermarket nearby and tried to pass the time playing games on his phone, but his imagination kept distracting him. Memories of previous Monday afternoons kept popping up reminding him he would be reliving these moments in less than an hour. The thought made his heart skip a beat, and the front of his jeans bulge. His left hand rested on the bulge almost absentmindedly as he tried to focus on his game.

Finally, 3:30 came. Perfect time for him to drive to Jess’ house. Before he left he sent a message to his wife telling her he had jobs out to the far eastern suburbs that afternoon, and hopefully would be home by 6, depending on traffic. His heart gave an uncomfortable twitch with the lie, but Jess’ face swam into his mind, pushing the guilt out. He backed out of the spot and drove, deliberately choosing his route so Scott wouldn’t pass him in the opposite direction, recognise the van, and wonder if Kyle was on his way to see Jess, who was now home alone for eight hours.

 Jess and Kyle liked to play a game to see how high they could raise each other’s heartrates. It was how their relationship had gone from friends to more. Jess had dreamt that Kyle had been trying different things to raise her heart rate, like touch her arm, her hand, her waist, her leg, and it had worked. She shyly retold the dream alone with Kyle in his empty house one Monday afternoon. This retelling had moved to re-enacting, the two friends starting to run their fingers gently, experimentally along each other’s fingers and hands, which did indeed raise their heartrates. This progressed to rubbing feet, Kyle going as high as he dared up the inside of her thigh, and Jess responding with sharp intakes of breath, and closing her eyes.

After that first day they arranged to meet on Jess’ day off when Scott went to work. The awkward moment was quickly forgotten, and their physical relationship progressed much faster than any dating relationship either of them had ever been in.

For weeks now they had been meeting on Monday afternoons, and any other time they had free time, a free house and a good excuse all align.

Now, as Kyle turned the corner into Jess’ street, driving past her door and around the next corner so as not to raise suspicions with the neighbours, his heart was accelerating pleasurably. He parked, picked up his phone and messaged Jess “all clear?”.

He watched the screen eagerly. He saw her cartoon face pop up over the edge of the screen, showing she had seen the message. His heartrate picked up again as the three dots appeared in the thought bubble as Jess typed her reply. “Yes”.

Kyle stepped out of his van and walked quickly around the corner. Jess was at the door as he approached and opened the door for him with a shy, quiet “hey”.

“Hey,” he replied as he stepped inside. He knew that Jess loved him taking charge and being physical, but despite her strong suggestions of this, his nerves consistently got the better of him. He passed her in the doorway, almost being careful not to touch her and kicked off his shoes near the shoe rack. Jess had passed him and walked to the kitchen.

They chatted awkwardly and nervously about their day and unimportant stuff like that. Kyle stood awkwardly near the bench as Jess prepared herself a drink. Finally though, Kyle recovered his nerve and walked into the kitchen. He stood behind her at the bench and leaned into her, pressing his full body into her back so she would definitely feel his bulge. Jess breathed in sharply. Her hands stopped making her drink. Kyle slid an arm around her waist, just under her double D boobs so they rested on his arm. He ran his other hand down her arm, starting at her shoulder, slowly sliding down to her hand. He used his chin to pull her long, dark hair off her shoulder and kissed her neck, just above the shoulder, then slowly kissing up to under her ear, which he gave a quick bite.

Jess reached up her free hand ran it through Kyle’s hair as he kissed her neck. With his hand across her body he reached up and started to feel her breasts. He slowly rubbed them, occasionally focusing on her nipple.

Jess spun easily in his arms to face him, and pulled him tightly into her. Kyle looked down into her eyes, and leaned in to kiss her. Their lips met. All awkwardness and nervousness was forgotten as they kissed passionately. Kyle pushed his tongue aggressively into her mouth, just how she liked it. Jess moaned softly at the movement. Kyle’s hands were running up and down her back and ass. He pulled her shirt up slightly to allow his hands access to her bare skin. Jess responded, moving her hands under the back of shirt in turn.

While they kissed and touched, Kyle steered Jess across the room to the lounge. As soon as they were through the door he half guided, half tackled her to the ground. Kyle lay on top of Jess, in between her legs, moving firmly, but slowly up and down, rubbing his erection on the crotch of her shorts.

Kyle freed his arms enough to take his jacket off. He took the opportunity of separation to pull at the bottom of Jess’ shirt. She resisted, with a wicked grin, so he grabbed her wrists forcefully, but trying not to actually hurt her, and pinned her arms above her head, kissing her hard again.

After a minute or so he rolled off her, pulling her on top of him. This time she did pull her shirt off revealing the lacy black bra she had worn especially for him. She grinded her still clothed pussy against his bulge slowly and seductively as he ran his hands up her sides to her boobs. He slid his hands behind her shoulders and pulled her forward onto him again.

They were kissing again, Kyle moving his hands under the back of her shorts, feeling a lace edged G-string across her cute ass. He levered his hands up to slide the shorts off. This time she let him. Jess sat up and pulled at Kyle’s shirt. Unlike Jess, Kyle responded eagerly. Pushing himself up off the floor to allow Jess to pull his shirt up and off him. She lay down again, their bare skin touching, sending sparks across Kyle’s body.

Kyle rolled her onto her back, but instead of lying on top of her again, he ran his hand down her body and down the front of her g-string. He felt her wetness immediately as Jess moaned softly at his touch. He gently slid his finger down the middle of her moist pussy, flicking the clit gently. Jess responded to every touch on her button. He leaned forward and kissed her chest as he played with her pussy. He fingered her clit slowly, trying to feel the rhythm of her body. He listened to her breathing increase and fingered faster, keeping time.

He slid past it and up into her pussy, receiving Jess’ sharpest and loudest intake of breath yet. He smiled at her pleasure. He moved in and out with the rhythm of her breathing, increasing from one finger to two, occasionally pausing to rub her clit again. He held her body against his as he pleasured her pussy, her breathing getting faster and faster. He pulled her bra down to reveal her nipples which she promptly covered with a free hand. Despite everything they had done and were doing, she was still always shy about being seen fully naked by Kyle. This quirk always baffled him.

But he kept fingering her, knowing she was close to climaxing, and kissed her boob down towards her nipple. As his mouth reached her arm she moved it aside, allowing him access to gently bite and lick it, while she breathed hard and fast, squirming slightly with the pleasure.

Kyle was fingering Jess as fast as he could now. Jess’ face opened with an audible moan of pleasure as her back arched. He kept fingering her through her orgasm. She rocked up and down as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her from Kyle’s finger. Eventually she had to reach down and push his hand away.

He leant back as she caught her breath. Jess looked across and smiled at him.

“That was good,” she said.

“I’m glad,” Kyle said.

Without saying anything, Jess reached down and tried to unbutton his jeans, but couldn’t get the button undone.

“Oh well,” she said, and leant back on her back again, and started to pull her bra back on, still shielding her nipples from Kyle’s view. Kyle frowned at her, and reached down and unbuttoned and unzipped his fly for her. He even pulled his jeans down to thigh height for good measure, giving her as little excuse as possible not to return the favour.

Jess smiled and said, “what do you want?”

Kyle smiled back and looked down at his now exposed undershorts, barely concealing his rock hard erection. “What do you think?”

Jess reached down and pushed the underwear down, allowing his dick to spring free and stand firm. Jess gently wrapped her hand around his shaft and started to slide it up and down. It was Kyle’s turn to breathe in sharply this time.

“Do you like that?” Jess asked slyly.

“Yes,” Kyle gasped eagerly.

Jess smiled more as she rubbed his hard cock up and down steadily. She leant forwards so her body made as much contact with his as she could. Kyle could feel her boobs resting heavily on his chest. She leant forward and kissed him hard as she rubbed. He fought the urge to cum, willing himself to prolong the feeling.

“Are you close?” she asked him.

He gritted his teeth and nodded. As much as he wanted to look at Jess’ face while he came the pleasure was too much. He closed his eyes as he lost the battle, his cum shooting through Jess’ hand and landing on his body. She kept pumping as shot more and more cum out onto her hand and his own stomach.

“Was that good?” Jess asked with another impish smile.

“Yeah,” Kyle said breathlessly.

“Stay there,” she said, standing up, carefully balancing her messy hand so as not to spill anything. She returned quickly with paper towel for Kyle to clean himself up. Within five minutes they were each clean and dressed and sitting on the couch. Jess curled up into Kyle’s chest, under his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulder, gently running her hand up and down his thigh, while he stroked her back.

“We don’t have much time,” said Kyle.

“I know,” said Jess, sliding her hand up the inside of his thigh. “I wish we had more time.”

“How about forever?” Kyle asked, kissing the top of her head.

Jess smiled up at him. “That would be nice.”

Gayitri Ass got fucked In train By stranger

 Hi, I am Gayitri Sen, a 26 year old bengali based out of delhi.I work in an IT firm in Chennai and because of my job I live in Chennai and used to visit my parents in delhi. I am 5'4" tall, fair looking and pretty enough to get the attention I deserve from the male fraternity :). I am 34- 26- 34 and which I feel is enough to raise the heart beat in men...lol. Well the sexual adventure I am going to pen down happened when I was travelling from Delhi to Chennai in an AC 2 Tier. I always liked teasing men with my curves and more so mature men of 40+ and above. The train was scheduled to start at 2 PM and bidding farewell to my family I reached the station on time to board the train. I was wearing a skin tight jeans knee length and a white top for the journey. My jeans fitted perfectly to reveal my round butt and my shapely legs and my top comforted my boobs. I was getting all the attention from the males in the station and trust me like every girl I was enjoying it. As I boarded the train, I found my seat and the people accompanying me were a Tamil couple with their daughter. THe husband in his late 40s, around 5'11, strong built with a moustache and dark complexion and the wife in her early 40(I guess) and their daughter was around 10 years old. Well, I knew it would be a perfect journey since I would get enough oppurtunities to tease the husband...lol :D.

Well the sexual adventure I am going to pen down happened when I was travelling from Delhi to Chennai in an AC 2 Tier. I always liked teasing men with my curves and more so mature men of 40+ and above. The train was scheduled to start at 2 PM and bidding farewell to my family I reached the station on time to board the train. I was wearing a skin tight jeans knee length and a white top for the journey. My jeans fitted perfectly to reveal my round butt and my shapely legs and my top comforted my boobs. I was getting all the attention from the males in the station and trust me like every girl I was enjoying it. As I boarded the train, I found my seat and the people accompanying me were a Tamil couple with their daughter. THe husband in his late 40s, around 5'11, strong built with a moustache and dark complexion and the wife in her early 40(I guess) and their daughter was around 10 years old. Well, I knew it would be a perfect journey since I would get enough oppurtunities to tease the husband...lol :D. While we were settling down, I could sense he had already scanned me from head to toe ofcourse he still did not get a glimpse of my butt. And staying in chennai I know Tamil men are butt crazy. As the train started to move now, I took out my Ipod and started listening to the songs and the couple too were settled chit chatting among themselves. The husband was seated oppsite to me and the wife beside me. Occassionally I would look at the husband and find his eyes glued to my boobs and the moment theres an eye contact he used to turn his eyes away. I started enjoying it as usual. Its already 30 minutes now since the trian has left and the tamil couple took out some snacks to eat. The husband spoke to me for the first time and said, "Excuse me, would you like to share some snacks with us?". I politely agreed and took some banana chips. He introduced himself as Shekhar, his wife Revaty and daughter Annapoorna. I introduced myself to them and slowly started talking to all of them.

Every now and then he would look at my boobs and to which I did not pay much attention afterall I enjoy teasing matured males. After sometime, the wife wanted to sleep and mine being the upper berth, I told Shekhar that she can take mine and sleep. I saw that she took out some pills and after having them she moved to the upper berth. Annapoorna was also feeling sleepy and Shekhar helped her to get into the upper berth opposite to mine. Now its only me and Shekhar sitting down and we were tallking in general and enjoying the banana chips. I got to know from Sekhar that his wife had some sleeping disorders and she used to take pills to sleep for hours without any disturbance. While chatting, I caught him again staring at my boobs and this time I smiled to which he smiled too. He said, "you are a very attractive lady" and to which I said "Thanks" with a smile. We kept on chatting for quite sometime from weather, politics, education and finally he asked, "Do you have a boy friend?". I said "yes but he is in Delhi. I dont meet him often". Sekhar said, "Well you are like me then. You have a bf but cant meet him often and I have a wife but due to her illness we dont find good time to have fun". I smiled at him and said, "ya you are actually right". Now we started opening up a bit more on the personal front. I asked him, "What do you mean by fun?". To which he replied, "You know the husband and wife kind of fun. Physical". I was surprised a little bit as I did not expect him to be too frank. He told me, "Look I was an Army officer so I am straight forward and speak out whatever is there in my mind". He then asked me, "What about you? When was the last time?". I became bold enough and told him, "Its was 6 months back when I had sex the last time". I started liking the conversation we were having and was somehow getting attracted to him. I was actually thinking to myself maybe I can have some fun as its been 6 months I have been touched by my boyfriend. Sekhar then said, "Gayitri, I wish to have sex with you with your permission.

I just cant hold myself after seeing your attractive body. Its been more than a year that I had sex and I am ready to do anything to have sex with you. Please do not mind me being so frank and I am not forcing you to have sex with me. If you say no then thats the end of the story and If you agree then when it is quite late at night we can go to the bathroom to give pleasure to each other" I was surprised and shocked at his open invitation but my physical urge to have sex with this black man was growing and all of a sudden I told him, "I want you". I just got up from my seat and rushed to the bathroom. I am sure Sekhar saw my butt in pleasure. Once inside the bathroom, I looked myself at the mirror and dumbstruck thinking what did I just tell him. But somehow, there was a wicked feeling inside which wanted me to feel his body. I washed my face and told myself, "Gayitri, lets do it. I want to feel a man inside me". Now being relaxed, I moved back to my seat. It was already 9 PM and everyone started to have dinner. As I moved to my seat, I found Annapoorna nad Revathy sitting down and havin dinner. Sekhar looked in my eyes directly and he gave me a wicked smile knowing fully that we will have good time after everyone is asleep and lights are turned off. I took biscuits from my bag and started munching them and Sekhar and his family were having their dinner. Every now and then I would look at him and he would look at me as if saying, "Baby, I am goona have you after sometime"... Lol Its 10.30 PM now and dinner is over and slowly everyone started switching off the lights to sleep. Revathy took her pills and went to the upper berth to sleep and Annapoorna took the other upper berth to sleep. Shekhar took out a piece of paper and wrote something in it and dropped it down near my legs. I saw it, looked at him, smiled and picked up the paper. It was written, "You have an awesome ass and boobs and I cant wait to feel them and below it he mentioned his phone number". I smiled reading it and sent him an SMS, "I am all yours tonight and you can have both of them and more...lol Sekhar switched off our lights but we were still seated opposite to each other waiting for everyone to sleep before making the move. In the mean time we were texting msgs only about sucks, fucks, pussys, dicks, etc. Its 11.45 PM now and all the lights are switched off except for the ones near the batroom. Sekhar got up from his seat and went first to the bathroom. I was stil seating and a sense of excitement was filling in me. I then got a message, "Baby, I am waiting for you. Come now". I stood up and then moved towards the bathroom.I was feeling horny a bit of having sex with a stranger I just met few hours back. I knocked the bathroom door and it opened.Sekhar was there completely nude. His black body was shining and wow he had a big dick. The moment I entered, he locked the door and grabbed me in his arms and started kissing my face and neck. I could feel he was very hungry to fuck me. I acknowledged his hunger for my body and then our lips locked. He was smooching me hard and his tongue was feeling mine. While smooching, he moved both of his hands down my back and started squeezing my buttocks. I took off my top and then unhooked my bra with my juicy boobs begging his attention. In no time, he started sucking my left boob and squeezing the other with his rough hands. I was in heaven and moaning, "awwwwwwwww....ooooooooo...uhhhhhh". I took his dick in my hand and started to jerk it. Boy it was getting hard like a rock. I knew I wanted it inside me. He then pulled my jeans down and then the panty down. He spanked my butt cheeks and strted to kiss and then bite them.I was moaning in pleasure "OOOOOOOOOOO".He spread my butt cheeks and started to lick my butt hole.I was enjoying like crazy and was completely wet in my pussy. He was licking my butt hole and at the same time inserted two of his fingers in my pussy.I was jerking as if a shock of waves was running through my body. My moans got louder..."Aaaaaaaaaaaaa uuuuuuuuuuuuu oooooooooooooo". He kept on licking my butt hole and finger fucked me for quite sometime. He then stood up and made me bend on my knees to take his dick in my mouth.I got down and took his dick inside my mouth and started giving him a blowjob." Slurp slurp slurp". He held my head and was pushing his dick in and outwith force. He was enjoying like heaven. He then stopped as he was going to cum. His dick was hard and swollen and ready to get inside me. He made me stand in the doggy styleand slowly whispered to me, "I am going to take that butt of yours.". I got scared and told him, "It will hurt". He said, "Just Relax and when I am pushing in, relax your butt hole and you will enjoy". He took out a lube and applied in his dick and in my butt hole. I was scared but at the same time excited. I could feel he was applying gentle force to get inside my butt. I relaxed my but hole and then slowly he pushed his dick inside me. It pained a little but the pain went off as he was rubbing my clit with his hand. It was a pain plus pleasure experience but I was on heaven. He was fucking me in my butt but gently and rubbing my clit with his hands. I was moaning like anything..."AAAAAAAAAAAAA aAAAAAAAA AAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAAa AAAAAAAaa". He slowly increased the pace of fucking my ass. Ahh I was getting the best fuck. He kept on fucking me for quite sometime and then whispered, "I am going to cum in your ass" and with a loud burst, I could feel a hot load of semen hitting the inside walls of my butt. He slowly took his dick out of my butt and then we kissed each other again. He then held me in his arm and I relaxed. We then got dressed and I came out first and went on my seat. He then came ofter few minutes. We then sent sms thanking each other and finally went off to sleep. I hope I was able to satisfy the viewers of humandigest.

Romantic evening with a Yoga teacher

 A friend of mine invited me to join a single's group online. The group was very active, and I got a chance to chat with many sweet women. One day I got a message from a woman, she said Hi and introduced herself. She was very nice, and after a few minutes of chatting, I have realized we both have a common thing: We both do Yoga. Later, I have realized she teaches yoga; on the other hand, I do it for my health. We have chatted for a few weeks and became close.

She invited me to her house on a Friday evening. I accepted her invite. I got dressed nicely and reached her house on time. She was sitting outside her house, looking at her mobile. She was wearing a short dress. I went to her, said hello, and we hugged. She took me inside. She has a big ass house, but it's old fashioned. We sat on her couch and started talking about Yoga, she showed me all the books she read about Yoga, and I was like, WOW!! She is serious about Yoga. I'm nothing compared to her. As we were talking, I can clearly see her pussy in her short dress. I didn't understand if she was inviting me or it's an accident. As it's our first meet, I didn't want to do anything stupid.

After a few minutes of talking, she said she would take me on a tour of her house.

Her house is huge; it would take some time to see everything. She showed me the 3rd floor of her house where she has 2 bedrooms, and she runs bread and breakfast there (At that moment empty).

She showed me her Yoga room, and it's super quiet and peaceful. She asked me to do some Tantra techniques on her. As she laid on the mat, I started giving her energy massage (Those who know Tantra may understand). After a few minutes, her dress went higher, and now her full shaved pussy is in my view. I was looking at it, and she was like, do whatever you want. I was still skeptical gave a small kiss on her pussy, and she didn't say anything. I started spreading her pussy and licking it. She has the most beautiful pussy I have ever seen. She is super soft. I ate her for 20 minutes; I'm not even lying. She cummed, and she said she enjoyed it a lot. I am wearing jeans and a formal shirt, and now my dick is rock hard, and I was uncomfortable. We went downstairs sat on the couch. This time she kept her legs on my lap. I love it when women do that. I started rubbing her feet. She was rubbing my erect dick. She came to me and gave me a juicy kiss. While kissing, she took my dick out of pants. She was like MY!!! You're BIG. She started sucking my dick. I'm in paradise; she has amazing lips. After just 2 mins of sucking, we heard a noise outside.

Me: what's that?

She: It must be my ex-husband.

Me: Are you marri...

She: *started walking outside* if he asks, say you came for B & B.

Me: Okay...

I guess he came to talk something about their kid.

She introduced me and said I came to see B & B.

He said hello, didn't care much, and left.

She started saying she is married twice, and I was like, WOW!!

The guy ruined our flow, so I started walking out.

She: Do you want to stay longer?

Me: Maybe

She: We can finish what we started.

Me: Okay...

We went upstairs to her bedroom. We fucked till 3 am with some breaks, lol. I fucked her in every single way humanly possible cause she is flexible as hell lol.

She woke up at 7 am even after we had sex till 3 am and started sucking my dick. I was like, what time is it?

She: I love morning sex.

She jumped on my dick and started fucking me. I cummed in her; she was exhausted and slept for one hour. I told her I need to leave, and I kissed her and left her house.

We had a relationship for a year.

Let's hear your thoughts in the comment section.

Sitting on the Dock

My in-laws have a lake house that is used several times a year during the summer months by various family members and married couples. The house sleeps about 14 people and can get pretty crowded when there's a lot of us there. Some will sit out on the deck facing the water while others will sit down on the floating dock. I sometimes prefer sitting down on the dock where its quieter and more relaxing. There have been times i've been out there, I have noticed some of the girls and women from the neighboring houses out on their own docks. Sometimes they are just sitting there like i do and sometimes they are in the water swimming around or in a paddle boat.

Either way, they are almost always in a bathing suit or shorts and a t-shirt. Watching these women and girls can be a real turn-on for me. I do from time to time sneak a picture or two of these females for later viewing. Something that i really enjoy doing is sitting out on the dock before sunset, pulling my cock from my shorts, and playing with it. It's so exciting doing that out there where just about anyone could see me. I have even done this in the middle of the day while boats and skiers zip back and forth through the water. I can usually tell if the people in the other houses are just renting or the actual owners and some of the renters have looked pretty hot before. On one perticular afternoon i noticed a couple of young ladies walking out towards their dock. They both had towels wrapped around them and i assumed they had on bathing suits. I had been playing with my cock while watching the boats go by. Not knowing what to expect, I tucked my cock back into my shorts and zipped them up.

I watched them both walk out to the end platform, drop their towels to the dock and layed down on them. They both looked to be in their late teens or early 20's and both had shaply and hot bodies. My cock was straining at this point to get back out, but I waited. I noticed them look around to see who else was near. They saw me and I guess they figured they were far enough away so they untied their bikini tops and layed down on their towels. Seeing this I figured "What the hell am I wating for" so I unzipped my shorts and pulled my raging hard cock back out. I prefer using baby-oil when i masturbate, but none was available so i just sat there and rubbed it up and down while watching these two hotties.

They were probably 3 or 4 docks down from me, but the docks were only about 20 feet apart so I still had a good view of them. As they did of me too. I was busy rubbbing my cock when one of them turned her head towards me. She apparently saw what i was doing because I could see a grin on her face and her mouth move like she was telling her friend something. Her friend then turned her head my direction and I now had both of them looking at me. If I tucked my cock back in my shorts, It would be obvious and they had already seen me, so there was nothing to do but keep going. After a few minutes, they layed their heads back down and relaxed.

Just as I got back to stroking good, I heard a voice calling my name from the bank end of the dock. It was my step daughter "Katie" coming to see what I was doing. She has watched me masturbate in the past and vise versa, but I quickly tucked my cock away anyways. She must have heard the zipper on my shorts, because when she got to me she gave me a strange look and asked what I was doing. She noticed the bulge in my shorts and asked me If I had been mastrubating. I admitted to her that I had. She sat down next to me and spotted the two girls "which at that point were getting up and heading back to their cabin". I guess they figured the show was over and that I was busted.

Katie asked me if I had been masturbating for those two girls and I told her I had. She then asked me to pull my cock back out, which I gladly did. She made a comment of how big it was and then began to stroke it for me. Within minutes I was squirting my cum into the air and all over her hand. Before she stopped, she milked as much cum from my cock as she could then licked my cock clean with her tongue. She rinsed her hand in the water as I tucked my cock back into my shorts. We both walked back to the cabin together. I thanked her for the help and she commented she was glad to help and that she would gladly help whenever I needed it. 

MY MOM'S ILLICIT AFFAIRS

 My wife and i have been married some years but before we got married she had a friend she met at her work and it seemed like he didnt care that she was about to get married he wanted her. I know this because she told me he would ask her to lunch and dinner and even drinks after work. One day she told me she had to go out of town on a business trip just before our wedding for a few days, i used this time to catch up on some last minute time with my friends but one night when i wasnt hearing from her i decided to call and when she answered she sounded like she was getting fucked. She tried to hide it and brushed me off, when she got back we had a huge fight but i decided to believe that it wasnt what it sounded like. We eventually got married and had a kid but from time to time we would argue about her friendship with her friend and thier time together before we got married, she convinced me they were no longer friends and things started to get better, she got a new job and all was good.

Untill one day i got an email from a sender who said he was her friend and he had alot to tell me, in the message he told me that they still talk and he knew she started a new job and would even go have lunch with her. One day he told her he was coming to take her out after work and instructed her to wear a short skirt and tight top but that day i was supposed to pick her up from work so he went over during her lunch, they went for a walk behind the building and he started kissing he vigourously, she hesitated a bit but when he started to kiss he neck and biting it she gave in grabbing his head towards her neck for him to bite it even more. He told her he was leaving a mark on her neck just for me and she laughed he said. He was grabbing her breasts and slid his hand under her short skirt fingering her wet cunt. He told her to go for some drinks with him and she agreed knowing her lunch was only1 hour, they went to a bar not to far away and they had a few drinks, he was telling her how he had a hard cock for her and the mark on her neck wasnt enough for him, he hated me so much he wanted to leave more for me. She would try to stop the talk from time to time but he would always bring them back up and she would just laugh.

Her lunch break was over and she told him to take her back to work so they drove of but he didnt take her back to work, he drove to a guest house where people normally go to fuck, she just shook her head but still went in. 

As soon as they got into to room he just pushed the door in not all the way but a little bit opened, he told her that she is his slut and he dont care if anyone sees infact he hopes someone sees. She instantly turned into a fuck whore he said, kissing her and grabbing her tits. He grabbed her head and pushed her on her knees and she began to suck his cock like a cock hungry slut. Once he had his cock sucked enough he pulled her up by her hair and bent her over on the bed, grabbing her panties and ripping them of her body, he told her he wanted me too see it. He started fucking her from behind hard and rough making her moan and scream with pleasure.

She realised she had on her wedding ring and tried to take it of but he stopped her and told he keep it on. He flipped her over on her back and removed he top and bra and while standing rammed his cock back into her pussy fucking her hard and making her big tits jump and bounce all over with every trust, she was moaning so hard it attracted the next door occupants as they both could hear them talk about the heavy screaming. As he was about to come my wife told him to pull out but he kept fucking her hard and he came in her pussy, he didnt care and she couldnt do anything about it, her body was his to fuck how he please. When they were done he picked up the torn panties and put it in her bag, he told her to drop in the laundry for me to see, she just laughed, they both got dressed and he dropped her back to work.

He went on to let me that my wife is his slut and i cant do anything about it.

Later that day i went for her but this was before i got the email, she said she couldnt go out for dinner with me as she wasnt feeling well so we went home. As the night approached i got the email and read it so i went to the laundry to see if i found the panties and there it was on the floor, my cock got so hard from reading the email and seeing my wife ripped up panties i started to jerk of right there in the laundry room and cum all over the panties. I took them and hid them and after thinking about it all i now know that all those years ago she was infact getting fucked when i called.